Simon: Is that your nipple?
Matthew: Yeah, it is.
Simon: You got your nipple out?
Matthew: Yeah…
Simon: Are you gay?
Matthew: No, I’m not. Guys have nipples, girls have nipples, we all have nipples. You, Simon, have two nipples. Are you gay?
Simon: No, I’m not gay.
Matthew: I don’t think so.
Simon: I wouldn’t do that.
Matthew: You got a teal sweatshirt on. Are you sure?
Simon: You got your tits out for the boys.
Matthew: Point taken. Yeah.
Simon: What I love about this, though, is it-
Matthew: My hair?
Simon: -it’s silent. ‘Cause you used to be a model, right?
Matthew: Yeah.
Simon: What I love about models is they keep their mouths shut. They just get on the catwalk, walk along and look pretty… Which is kinda what you do really well, you know, just keep that mouth shut. You look great. You should do more of that. Goodbye.
Matthew: Thanks for the talk.

This whole conversation was so ridiculously funny that a Tumblr post had to be done. Simon Mirren’s English accent is a cool plus to the situation.