It seems like I always come to a certain point in my relationships where it gets too hazy and impossible see where we are going. More than anything I am seeking clarity, and that’s the one thing I feel I’m not being given. I want a solid foundation – to know all things – and to be able to build a life together upon that foundation.
How am I supposed to know which weapons we will have so that we can fight against whatever life throws our way? When only one partner knows the truth and hides the rest, they are leaving their loved one out there — defenseless. I believe, that if you truly love someone, how could you do this to them? How could you not share yourself completely – the good and the bad?
I have never been one to shy away from telling others exactly who I am or what I have gone through in my life. Right now I feel betrayed, angry, hurt, and I feel like a fool. I’m going to allow myself to go through this grief process. I wanted to be with him because of all things, I thought he was an honest man – I trusted him.
Right now, the biggest process in regaining trust is to trust myself first. I need to trust myself, so that I will make the right decisions and be guided to do the right things about the status of this relationship. It’s true what they say “The Truth Shall Set You Free”. Honesty is always the best road to take in a relationship, no matter how much the truth hurts.
“When trust is lost, it takes a long time and hard work to rebuild and have it work long-term. The funny thing about losing trust is that it requires consistency. People are trustworthy in a relationship or they aren’t. If the partner does and says everything with consistency, there will not be any deception. When you trust someone, you can predict how he or she reacts. This predictability comes with time. If you trust someone, you rely on his or her behavior. You count on them to be a rock for you. Every rock is significant because the rocks metaphorically build a foundation to a strong relationship.
After the bonds of trust are broken, decide if you can do the work to make the relationship whole again. Ask yourself some crucial questions. Do you want to become vulnerable enough to rely on this person to be your rock again? Can the crumbled rocks of the relationship be put back together even stronger? If you cannot answer yes, it may be time to end the relationship and get on with your life.”
I feel like I’m at a crossroads. I need to take a step back from this cycle we’ve both been in — it’s been so stressful for me – I need a break. He needs to sit me down and tell me the total truth – everything (without me fishing for answers) — and no added sparkly things that are not true, but what I want to hear. To have it mapped out – have the basic questions answered – to show what we realistically could have in life – how our future together would be – that we could still have fun – that it would still be an adventure – that I wouldn’t have to give up everything – that it wouldn’t all be dreary – that we would be a team – that lies and hidden truths would no longer exist in his life – that he would never hide or deliberately do this again – and show me why he’s the man for me & for us.
If there’s not this honest gesture….I don’t know….for my sake I think I will need to move on. More than anything I can’t be in a relationship of lies – my last one was that way, and as much as I loved him, I had to move on. And as much as I love this man now, if things don’t change, I’ll have to do the same, again….for myself….
In the meantime, I’ll keep listening to this song on repeat…somehow they get my life right now…